This blog post has been rattling around in my brain, partially formed, for some time now. Something inside me was not willing to let it out by actually sitting down and writing it and then hitting “post”. But the time has come. Yesterday, catching up on my fellow Cohort-ers blogs, I came across @lmcbeth’s  “I’m starting my vlog” and @sregli’s “Do I need more grit?” blog posts. These two posts were the kick in the pants that I needed to come clean about my own failure lately. I know that the Cohort 21 gang is not a judgmental group, but there is still a certain amount of fear around sharing your shortcomings in a public forum such as this.

The Action Plan failure

At the third F2F, I was excited to come up with a second action plan for my second year as a member of Cohort 21. With an eye to my eventual goal of taking on more of a leadership role with regards to technology at CDS, I focused my action plan on this HMW question: How might we manage and improve the student user experience with teacher resources and learning management software?

Way back in January, shortly after having finalized my Action Plan question, I had an email from the Adobe Education Exchange detailing the upcoming start of a new free course on their education platform: “User Experience Design: UX to UI”. The description read as follows:

In this course participants will start off examining the users needs and creating relevant documentation that allows a digital, interactive project to have a better fitting, functional, final design

I was elated. This was exactly what I needed to take action on my action plan. I enrolled and anxiously waited for the start of the course on February 13. And then…

… it was snowboard season and I was all of a sudden overwhelmed by the amount of work that was required to convene that league.

… my Comm Tech course got incredibly busy as I was developing brand new content for students to work with as part of a guided inquiry module.

… I told myself that I would spend March Break catching up on the four weeks of coursework that I hadn’t even yet begun.

… March Break was almost over and I still hadn’t opened up the course, let alone completed a single assignment or participated in a single weekly live class.

… I essentially gave up and considered myself a massive failure for enrolling in a course and not taking a single step to complete it.

So my initial excitement about the relevance and the timeliness of the course ended up crumbling into a mountain of feelings of failure and inadequacy. Now, with just days to go before the final F2F, I haven’t taken a single step toward implementing my Action Plan: no research, no reading, no polling of stakeholders, nothing. #epicfail

The blogging failure

Last year, I felt like a rockstar blogger. I composed posts in my head while driving home from work or walking the dogs, and then I actually sat down to write them within a reasonable amount of time. This year, I’m not sure what changed. While I was constantly coming up with ideas for posts, for some reason I could not bring myself to put fingers to keyboard. I started out strongly, with five posts before the Christmas break, but since then, I’ve stagnated. I don’t get it: I really love blogging and want to do it more, so I wish I knew what had changed or how to fix it.

The coaching failure

I was over the moon when @jmedved and @gnichols asked me last April to be a coach for C21 this year. I couldn’t believe that they saw leadership potential in me, but I was determined to do a good job and not let them down. When it came down to it, though, whether at the F2F sessions or on blogs and social media, I feel as though I failed at this as well. Other coaches were able to offer excellent advice, ask thought-provoking questions, and share relevant resources with C21 members. I felt like all I could offer was a bit of cheerleading from the sidelines: “Thank you for sharing!” My fear of being inadequate and having nothing to offer held me back from hosting a Hangout or Twitter chat all year. I worry that I don’t even deserve to attend Friday’s F2F as I feel like I’ve contributed nothing to this year’s Cohort.

Everything’s not lost

Despite this general feeling of failure and lack of motivation lately, there is some positive news to report. I need to remind myself that all is not lost despite feeling like this year’s Action Plan is a lost cause. Here are a few things worth celebrating:

Progress on last year’s Action Plan

I feel as though I’ve made significant progress on last year’s AP, which was framed as How might we restructure Comm Tech to provide more & better opportunities for personalization and project-based learning?  

I am committing to writing a second blog post this week (!!) to outline some of the major changes and initiatives that I’ve been working on with respect to this.

New job

With tons of support and encouragement from @gnichols, @jmedved, and @lmcbeth, I applied for and was the successful candidate for a new position as Technology Integration Specialist for the Middle and Senior Schools at CDS. This is my dream position and I am so looking forward to starting it, though its start will be delayed for one more year because ….

Life changes

…. I will be off next year on maternity leave! Baby Weening-Levesque is due August 20 and Shawn and I are beyond thrilled.

I do actually wonder if some of the lack of motivation about the previously-mentioned failures might have something to do with the mindshift that seems to have taken place in my brain with the news that we are expecting. Hormones, maybe?

Conclusion

In any case, the (perceived) failures of this year will not define me. I am here to shout from the rooftops that I am putting this behind me and starting fresh. Every day is a new day, and every morning an opportunity to make changes that I didn’t make yesterday.

I loved this (always so timely!) post from Seth Godin’s blog and think it fits in well here:

Sometimes it feels like Seth Godin just gets me, you know?

“You learn by doing it. Actually, by not doing it. You learn by doing it wrong, by falling off, by getting back on, by doing it again. PS this approach works for lots of things, not just bikes. Most things, in fact.”

We tell our students that failure is a “first attempt in learning”. That it is through failure that they grow and learn how to approach a problem differently next time. Failure cannot be the final destination. It is simply a part of the journey – a station along the railroad, a rest stop on the highway, an airport where we have a layover. We pass through it, but it’s not where we stay and spend our time. So I’m outta here – see ya! 🙂

9 thoughts on “On Failure

  1. When I think of the word failure, the very last person that comes to mind is you, Jen Weening. You inspire me every day and are the reason I joined Cohort21. You make many attempts in learning and in teaching, so many, it’s hard to keep up with you!

    We will be sharing in lots of experiences together when you take on your new role here at CDS. And with the addition to your family this summer, your joy for life will take on a whole new meaning! Congratulations!

    We teach our students and children that it’s ok to fail. It’s ok to get back up. And it’s ok to take on the challenges of life with a smile on our faces, regardless of the scratches on our knees! As you said, every day is a new day.

    1. Oh @lgee, thank you so much for these words. I too am so looking forward to working more closely with you and learning from you every day as well! The feelings are mutual – you are every bit as much an inspiration to me. Nothing but love. xxx

  2. @jweening there is no failure in this post … just real life! You have made major progress this year: continuing last year’s AP, coaching at C21, landing a new role at your school, and growing a human (congratulations!!!!) Those are all worth celebrating!

    Coaching is a different experience (and facilitating another level beyond that… I can tell you) and sometimes your role is just to be an interested listener and cheerleader – that’s it! You did that. In fact, my best advice would be to make your AP match all the things you did accomplish this year (list above) and call it a success. 🙂

  3. Hi @jweening! Thanks so much for sharing this post. Just moments ago I was looking through your post from last year and was so impressed with the work you had done, your blog and your incredibly beautiful slides. Really, how do you do it!?

    Your post on T’is the Season for Authentic Assessments was a huge motivator for me and I am 100% certain that during the Janurary F2F I said, “I want to be doing authentic tasks like Jen. Did you see her blog post about the photo contest?!” So, for me that was just the coaching I needed – thank you.

    1. Thank you so much for saying this, @nbendle. I’m so glad that I could have been an inspiration to you! Trust me when I say that this year’s slide deck will pale in comparison to last years! 🙂
      Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at Havergal!

  4. Great post, @jweening… you did a great job this year. I too felt the blog posts form in my head while driving (or teaching), yet couldn’t get them down in a post despite my best efforts. Congrats on your new job! You’ll be a great leader in that new role.
    Brent.

  5. @jweening When I read through your post all I see is successes.

    1) New Tech integration role next year that you EARNED due to the fact that YOU are already an informal leader at CDS and the logical person to take on this new position.

    2) New baby on the way. Nuff Said # amazing #family

    3) Comm Tech – Think about how far you have come with that and how it has grown this year.

    4) The ADOBE UI / UX course will always be there but when I read through your post I see a passionate teacher who put the STUDENTS first in all her decisions whether is was coaching, teaching or helping fellow coleagues

    5) Have you read your comment to fellow cohort members?? Taking time to give kudos is still TIME and is SO appreciated by all who get one of your comments. We are so lucky to have you as a coach this year and the door is ALWAYS open once you return from your MAT leave. Thank you for all your time and energy Jenn

    J

    @gnichols @lmcbeth @ddoucet

  6. Your “cheerleading” of me this year has been transformative. I thank you for your sideline coaching regarding my blog because without your endorsement I may have felt I was writing to no one about nothing. Never underestimate the importance you have in other people’s lives. Thank you for displaying your vulnerability. Baby Weening is already incredibly lucky!

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