This was my past two week…
- I booked my Girls Basketball Team on the wrong flights to and from Winnipeg.
- I was on duty in my dorm.
- I booked my flight, hotel and car for the wrong days for our next Cohort meeting.
- My non teaching days were booked up with helping take pictures for an Festival of the Arts, helping the Health Center run a Flu Shot clinic and meetings and phone calls to parents.
- Parent Teacher Interviews were on one of my only Sundays off.
- Taking my girls to doctor appointments and hospital visits.
- Helping my girls work through issues at home and with friends.
- Finding out that my family Christmas party is the weekend before I am able to get home.
- Reports are due over the next week.
- I have yet to correct my English 9 essays that were passed in over a week ago.
I am not sure about all of you, but these past two weeks seemed to have gotten away from me somehow. Every time I seem to check something off my “to-do” list, there seems to be 7 new items appearing. Sometimes it is my fault – booking flights on the wrong days has meant that I have been on the phone a lot lately – but sometimes it is things that are completely out of my control. I am good at pretending, so whenever a coworker asks how I am doing, or if they can help in any way, I am very good at brushing it off. Being in the constant state of the “I-don’t-know-what’s-going-to-happen-next” has become my comfort zone. Why does this happen? How can you plan for this?
The last couple of years has been the most difficult for me. I left my family (they’re only a 3 hour drive away-don’t worry) and started working a more than full time job where, I am sometimes unable to take care of myself. Our family has dealt with some serious health issues which resulted in me having to become more aware of my mental health. Taking that scary step in asking for help was not the easiest thing I have ever done. It is okay not to be okay, but don’t stay there. The only way out from the bottom is up, right? Every time I get to this point, where I think “What else could possibly be put on my plate?” or “What else? Bring it on!” it takes me a minute to reflect and know that what we do is important and I am able to impact a lot of different people.
Sometimes I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Like I am flying solo in trying to do things with no help or support. Like I am the one willing to help out, but when I ask for it I get nothing back in return. Then I have a conversation with one of my kids where they say “Thank you for everything.” or “Ms.D! That advice you gave really worked!” or I walk by a classroom on into the dining hall to hear students shouting “MS.D!” and getting lots and lots of high fives and hugs. Or I have a meaningful conversation with a girl I am living with and am able to talk them through a difficult situation. Then you get watch them face that situation and become better from it. These moments are the real moments – when you realize that all of the chaos is worth it!
I promised myself this year, that I would make time for me. I would be conscious of me and do what I need to do to make sure that I am able to be there for my kids at my best, all of the time. One of my goals was to work on myself and push myself outside of my comfort zone – that is what I always preach to my kids and it is unfair of you to ask something of someone that you would not be willing to do yourself, right? Learning more about the Cohort family, it seemed like a perfect fit. Putting myself out there in the world to a bunch of strangers is a terrifying thought. The only thing scarier is the thought of reflecting on myself, so thanks for that I guess!
@jdykerman, thank you for the relentlessly honest post, and I can only imagine this is a great way for you to begin your cohort journey. I’m certain it’s powerful for all of us to peer into the reality of a fellow educator and realize we are not alone in what is often chaos, sometimes a little overwhelmed by it all. Check out the reflection from @pcobban to deepen your appreciation of that inner need to push outside of our comfortable selves, or @lwoon for more perspective on the challenge of balancing. I think this is a great area of reflection for you all year long – the extent to which you’ve positioned yourself beside your students, and how that impacts your appreciation for, and approach to, their experience.
Over the next 10 days or so, find some time (haha!) to try and determine a few areas in your professional life that you feel compelled to challenge. The 2nd F2F will provide a great opportunity to settle on a course of action.
Can’t wait to follow this amazing journey Dykerman!
@nbendle @tfaucher
@jdykerman Congrats on hitting “publish” on your first post! I loved your honest account of what it is like to be a teacher, housemaster, coach, plus a million other things and how sometimes it can be tough to balance it all. You are right that it all becomes rewarding in the “real” moments we have with the people we live and work with. When you have a moment, check out @lwoon‘s first blog post – you guys are on the same page!
You have asked a lot of great questions in your post. A next step would be to take some time before the next F2F to think about areas where you are challenged or stumped in the house or in your classroom and how they might align with your professional goals for this year. In there somewhere will be the beginnings of a great action plan.
So looking forward to meeting you at the 2nd F2F!
Wow! Thanks for much for your bravery with this post, Jennifer! You’ve said exactly what I’m thinking and feeling at this time of the year and reading your post just helped me reflect on all the good things that have happened during this crazy, interview filled week. Thank you.
@jdykerman, it is never easy to admit difficulties with mental health and I congratulate you for doing so here in a safe reflective space with a team of Cohort21 colleagues who have been there, who get it, and who are willing to help!
Let’s make it a great year for finding time for ourselves!
E.B. Daigle