In May of this year, my brother Michael passed away unexpectedly as a result of suicide. Though everyone’s experience of loss is different, I have found that I’ve undergone two distinct phases in my grief. The first would be what I would characterize as crippling shock, immobilizing pain, and a desire for answers when there are none to be found. The second phase, though still riddled with anguish, has gradually come to include sensemaking through action. In acknowledging that I cannot change what has happened, I have found a modicum of peace in seeking out ways to share Michael’s story. Though still in the beginning phases (my therapists say I shouldn’t run before I can walk), I have come to an old cause, Movember, with a renewed sense of vigor and purpose on account of all that has happened.
Movember has traditionally been associated with prostate and testicular cancer. However, they have come to incorporate men’s mental health as a significant area of focus in recent years. Men are three times more likely to commit suicide, and globally, one man dies from suicide every minute of every day. It is for this reason that a blog post prompt on urgency and importance immediately brings my mind to these harrowing statistics and a compulsion to share my brother’s story, even in a sphere where it might seem disjointed or out of place to do so. As educators, if we really want to prioritize mental health, then an organization on track to reduce the rate of male suicide by 25% by 2030 is definitely worth advocating for—even on a Cohort 21 blog.
Here is a link to an interview I did on CP24 the other day where I briefly describe my brother’s story and why Movember is so incredibly important to me. I mention my school, but it is worth noting that the University of Toronto Schools has supported me immensely in the wake of my brother’s passing and has fully embraced Movember’s mission. So far this month, we have hosted a mask mo-dazzling event and a men’s mental health panel. We will be hosting a games night and a shave-off in the coming weeks.
I have begun the process of acknowledging that I cannot bring back my best friend. However, I can share his story (perhaps in forthcoming posts) and raise funds for programming and resources that may have saved his life.
For me, Movember exemplifies that sometimes things can be both urgent and important.
I love being an educator. I loved and continue to love my brother.
Thank you for sharing Michael’s story, Chris. Mental health is certainly both urgent and important.
Thank you for sharing this Chris @chris_walase. This post is very powerful and an important reminder of how important moments in our life are- the way they affect us, shape us, and the powerful consequences that can unfold. I am beyond humbled and inspired by how you have taken what was probably the worst moment you have experienced and are looking to find the good or at least a way to do good, with it. Mental health is something that I am glad to see becoming more important and urgent for society and the places that we work in. As you point out, Men’s health, with the help of Movember has become something that more people are having awareness about and the conversation is changing. Thank you again for sharing this with the Cohort community and know we are all here. I am so glad that your current school is so supportive of your efforts and goals and am looking forward to see how you weave this into your action plan through Cohort this year.
Hi Chris,
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story with us. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you are doing exactly what is urgent and important for you right now as well as modelling for your students and your school how one might walk through grief.
Thinking of you,
Jenn
Just want to let you know how grateful and moved I am to hear a bit about your story, about your brother Michael and your family. How courageous of you to share this with the world. It’s really great to see Movember expand its focus to include men’s mental health. Our society’s expectations of masculinity and the narrow emotional spectrum within which men are expected to function is really problematic and dangerous.
Thanks for all that you do, Chris. The Movember movement you’re spearheading at UTS is so important for our community’s awareness and learning, and also contributes to community building and belongingness at our school. May you and your family receive nourishment and healing. May your brother Michael rest in peace.
Dear Chris,
We haven’t had the opportunity to meet, yet your blog brought me to tears. I am deeply sorry for your loss and cannot imagine your immense pain and sorrow. To hear that you are receiving support from your community at UTS is wonderful and I hope those around you continue to help you navigate as you begin to find your way forward. Through your post, you have stopped to make me think about this critical issue and I thank you for sharing your perspective at this tragic time. You’ve asked us to think about the connection between mental health and wellness and how might we understand the importance of normalizing conversations about human struggle and how that serves us all in the betterment of our society. You’ve written your post from the heart, and used this platform to share your story so that others may not have to go through this same tragic loss. Thank you for the bravery and vulnerability that it has taken to share, so that we may learn from your loss and remember your brother’s legacy in Movember. I heard your post as a call to action, that we take every opportunity as educators to do our part to strengthen the availability of mental health resources and to move towards redefining gender to include a wider, more human perspective that allows everyone to feel, need help and express their true feelings so that we may create a society that knows how to accept and support one another. I hope that you continue to find strength in your community and that you feel the impact of your story on the hearts of your readers. I will be thinking of you, your brother, and your family and sending you strength.
Wow, this statistic you shared is truly shocking: “globally, one man dies from suicide every minute of every day”. This is clearly an important issue to address with a great sense of urgency! Thank you for so bravely sharing your experience and struggles as well as and calling on others to take action to support men’s health. You made me wonder about what actions we can take in schools to support the mental health of our students. Adam Cox, who wrote Cracking the Boy Code, spoke at my former school a few times about the need for young men (in particular) to feel they are doing things of purpose and significance. Really, we all want to feel that what we do matters. Your post has reminded me that what we do in our schools should matter to students, that what teachers are asked to do should matter and that everyone’s mental health needs to be foremost in our considerations. Thank you, again, for sharing your personal journey and working towards sharing your brother’s.
@cwalasek I am so sorry for your loss, Chris. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. Thank you for the courage you model to your students and colleagues by using this experience as a way to bring forth crucial discussion about mental health in our young men, and as a way to do good. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Esther