{"id":176,"date":"2021-04-12T01:03:10","date_gmt":"2021-04-12T01:03:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/?p=176"},"modified":"2021-04-17T11:52:47","modified_gmt":"2021-04-17T11:52:47","slug":"breakingsilence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/2021\/04\/12\/breakingsilence\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking Silence"},"content":{"rendered":"

Han<\/span><\/i> describes the collective feelings of bitterness, grief and shame that Korean nationals harbour as a result of their long history with colonialism. It is so deeply internalized by its people that this affect is often passed down intergenerationally. In \u201cMinor Feelings,\u201d Cathy Park Hong (CPH) points out that this range of emotions can be felt by any marginalized group that has a shared history with imperialism. For the Asian diaspora in North America, these negative emotions interact with what CPH calls \u201cAmerican optimism,\u201d leaving us to navigate unrelenting tensions in \u201ca static of cognitive dissonance.\u201d She writes:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou are told \u2018Things are so much better,\u2019 while you think, Things are the same. You are told, \u2018Asian Americans are so successful,\u2019 while you feel like a failure. This optimism sets up false expectations that increase feelings of dysphoria.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Just like <\/span>han<\/span><\/i>, these \u201cminor feelings\u201d are \u201cnon-cathartic\u201d and deeply internalized. So much so, that to experience these minor feelings is like laughing along without acknowledging the joke\u2019s on you. Minor feelings manifest in our quietly enduring prejudice, while simultaneously questioning the validity of our experiences. It has manifested in my exoskeleton of \u201cokayness,\u201d beneath which a storm of negative emotions churn.<\/span><\/p>\n

But, we all reach a breaking point. And I think I\u2019ve reached mine. As I watch all the gut wrenching violence against members of our marginalized communities, I feel all my rage and grief fracture and burst through my armored exterior. It\u2019s taken me many years to realize there\u2019s great power in sitting with these huge feelings and giving them the respect they deserve. But, the longer I sit with them, the more all-consuming they become. Until the violence is all I can think about. Until the rage and grief is all I can feel. And I don\u2019t want to be consumed. So, I\u2019m going to transform my <\/span>han<\/span><\/i>, my minor feelings, into my power. I will no longer silently endure.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Every night for the past two weeks, I\u2019ve read my son \u201cA Boy Like You\u201d by Frank Murphy. In it, there are two lines that always make me pause.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/b>Fear<\/i><\/b> and <\/b>bravery<\/i><\/b> are partners. <\/b>You can\u2019t be brave without first being afraid<\/i><\/b>.\u201d<\/b><\/p>\n

The very definition of bravery incorporates fear: \u201cthe ability to do something that frightens one.\u201d And here\u2019s where I need to be vulnerable. Because, if I\u2019m being honest with myself, I\u2019m harbouring so much fear. Fear of saying or asking the wrong thing. Fear of rejection. Fear of judgement. Fear of threatening my relationships. Fear of damaging my reputation. Fear of disappointing others. The choice to be brave is not the easy path. As Bren<\/span>\u00e9<\/span> Brown puts it:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to know failure if you\u2019re brave with your life.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

My journey to living bravely will thus be inextricably linked to vulnerability. Evolving past my <\/span>han<\/span><\/i>, shedding my exoskeleton, breaking my silence. All this makes me feel extremely vulnerable. But it has to be done, no matter how safe my defenses make me feel. The stakes are too high, not just because of what is happening in our communities now, but because I look toward my son\u2019s future. In the same way <\/span>han<\/span><\/i> can be passed from my mother to her daughter, courage can be passed from this mother to her son. If I don\u2019t choose courage over comfort now, how will I teach my son to do the same later? <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Han describes the collective feelings of bitterness, grief and shame that Korean nationals harbour as a result of their long history with colonialism. It is so deeply internalized by its people that this affect is often passed down intergenerationally. In \u201cMinor Feelings,\u201d Cathy Park Hong (CPH) points out that this range of emotions can be … Continue reading “Breaking Silence”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":291,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wds_primary_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-176","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-face-2-face-sessions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/291"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=176"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":266,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/176\/revisions\/266"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=176"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=176"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cohort21.com\/estherlee\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=176"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}